In his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey tells an interesting anecdote about a man who approached him after a seminar in which Covey was speaking. The man expressed concern over his own marriage: "My wife and I just don't have the same feelings for each other we used to have. I guess I just don't love her anymore and she doesn't love me. What can I do?"

"The feeling isn't there anymore?" Covey asked.

"That's right," he reaffirmed. "And we have three children we're really concerned about. What do you suggest?"

"Love her," Covey replied.

"I told you, the feeling just isn't there anymore."

"Love her."

"You don't understand. The feeling of love just isn't there."

"Then love her. If the feeling of love isn't there, that's a good reason to love her."

"But how do you love when you don't love?"

"My friend, love is a verb. Love - the feeling - is a fruit of love, the verb. So love her. Serve her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathise. Appreciate. Affirm her."

Covey is right, as were Massive Attack when they sang on Teardrop, "Love is a verb; love is a doing word." The reality is that when we practise love, the feelings usually follow. I have, for example, heard the testimony of mental health workers, as to how the exercise of loving behaviour towards a patient generates a sense of compassion from within, even for those who have been sectioned for criminal behaviour, such as Peter Sutcliffe. The significant thing is that the action preceded the sensation.